Rosanna Tomiuk's Website | What to do when you feel like sh*t (The 4-Step Self-Coaching Process!)
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What to do when you feel like sh*t (The 4-Step Self-Coaching Process!)

Last Friday I felt off. I wasn’t sick, I just felt sort of terrible, mentally.

The things that usually manage to sneak discouragement into my life are: thoughts about some of my failed dreams, the fear of not ‘making it’, comparison, the fact that I’m not married with a kid or two, my family’s health, and the feeling of uncertainty about the bigger, spiritual purpose of the universe (existential, I know).

When I feel this way, I often reach out to someone I know who can help cheer me up. I also self-coach with a process I’ve seen work over and over again. Which is what I want to share with you right now.

Please try this at home!

When you feel like sh*t:

1) Acknowledge there’s a breakdown. Look, you feel like sh*t. You might feel powerless, trapped, or not self-expressed, which is not who you are when you’re feeling amazing. Acknowledge it. Say it out loud: There’s a breakdown! I feel like ish!

2) Identify your commitment. We only have breakdowns because we have commitments. If all I was committed to was lying on my couch and watching Netflix, not much could create a breakdown in my life. It’s the possibility we create for our futures that creates the gap between where we are and where we want to be, which, believe it or not, catalyzes breakdowns. The tension of the gap can be really tough to bear in our quick-fix, fast-food culture. So, congratulate yourself – you are committed to something! Now, name it! Say it out loud: I’m experiencing a breakdown because I’m committed to _________.

3) Refocus on the Possibility. When you got committed to something for your future, you created a new possibility for yourself. What was that possibility? Who did you believe you could be in order for that future to materialize? For example, when I think of building a successful business that empowers women to live extraordinarily – through coaching, speaking, writing, media and products – the possibility of who I am is unstoppable, bold, spiritual, and consistent. In order for me to create that future, I have to take actions aligned with the possibility of being those things. Say it out loud: The possibility of who I am in order to make the commitments I have for my future materialize is (regardless of how I feel) ___________.

4) Take action based on your possibility rather than your breakdown. Now this is the tough and most rewarding part. I promise you, you’ll feel like a fake. Based on how you’re feeling in your breakdown, you’ll tell yourself to take a day, to just fly the white flag. From that vantage point, everything is practically hopeless.


I can’t count the amount of times that taking action in the middle of a breakdown completely dissolved my breakdown.

Better yet, it created a breakthrough!

So, back to last week when I was feeling terrible. I was about an inch away from canceling my clients, voice lesson and evening plans so I could fly my white flag for a day. With what felt like divine intervention and the power of the memories of it working in the past, I began the 4-step process and self-coached through my breakdown. I remembered my possibilities of being consistent and unstoppable, and I saw that this was the perfect playground to practice those possibilities. I decided to make my way to my voice lesson, even though I was holding back tears as I walked to the subway.

And, like clockwork, I managed.

More than managed, I even walked out of the building with pep in my step.  I was joyful, feeling back to who I knew I was. Because I took action aligned with the possibility of my commitment rather than my breakdown, everything changed.

So now it’s your turn. Will you try this next time and share with me how it goes? Send me a message or share in the comments below. I’d love to here how this process serves you and helps transform our lives as we dream big dreams and take bold actions.





  • James Campeau
    Posted at 21:56h, 24 April Reply

    Honestly, I can’t thank you enough for this! I often get so caught up in my everyday life that I forget to use this process but it ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WORKS! The first time I tried it I was slightly laughing at myself, but once I fully gave in to the steps I instantly felt the momentum swing. I got so motivated to NOT “fly the white flag” (which for me tends to be the easy way out) and decided to jump into action. It’s really a powerful process when you commit to it and I’ve totally shared this with a ton of friends! MORE PLEASE! 😀

    • Rosanna Tomiuk
      Posted at 22:05h, 24 April Reply

      I’m so happy to hear this, James! It’s crazy how if you truly follow the steps, it works every freakin’ time. The hard part for me is that in moments of breakdown, I freakin’ don’t want to follow the darn steps! If we can just push ourselves enough to trust the process, it’s amazing what shows up on the other side! Thanks for sharing your journey with me.

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