Rosanna Tomiuk's Website | I Wake from Dreams with Tears
Discover who you are, what you love and how to get started with Rosanna Tomiuk, former professional athlete turned high performance coach.
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I Wake from Dreams with Tears

I just woke with tears in my eyes. I dreamed of the moment after not qualifying for the Olympics. I handled it way different in the dream, though. I had a pool noodle, and I was hitting stuff with it. Like, RAWRRR!!!  I was expressing my frustration by physically beating on things.

And then we had some meeting where my coach was saying stuff I thought was totally inappropriate for the moment, so I just got up and gave him the finger. I made some motion that he had no cojones. And then I realized my trainer was nearby, whom I really respect, and I felt shame. He was still loving, though.

He was loving in the dream I woke up from a few weeks ago, too, crying. I showed up at a tennis court, and there he was training some people with his awesome drills. It was another group, another team, another team that wasn’t our team. He was still working; I wasn’t. I ran to him and hugged him. He whispered some affirming words to me, something to the effect of, “You’re still so special and worth it even though your dream wasn’t realized.” I teared up. He looked away because he didn’t want to tear up, too.

I awoke crying and wrote him an e-mail to tell him I love him. In real life.

And then if I rewind just a few weeks earlier, when I finally jumped into a pool after 54 days since Quals, I jumped in smiling…but surfaced crying! It was a, “What just happened there?!” experience, where something outside of my conscious mind needed to express emotion I wasn’t even aware of.

To add to the weirdness, we spent last night preparing a lil’ secret gift for my fellow Canadian athletes at the Games right now. I stepped back from the situation yesterday and said, “Wow, Rose, you’re doing ok if you’re excited for them.”

Yet I’m clearly still mourning my loss.

I’m a paradox right now. Today marks 3 months, and my body knows it.

Consciously, I’m moving forward and not really too tripped out on not making the Games. Subconsciously, something else is happening. I’ve made the decision to look at it like a buddy system within me. Where my conscious mind wants to move forward, keep dreaming and not take anything too seriously, my subconscious might be saying, “Sweet Rosie, we just need to purge a few things.”

I’m ok with it. It’s kinda interesting, to say the least. I’m learning, going with the flow and still buckled up for the mystery of life…and dreams.

___________________

Have you ever woken from a dream crying? What happened when your dream failed?


11 Comments
  • Matt Morici
    Posted at 15:03h, 20 July Reply

    I woke with tears from a dream once. This dream happened maybe 3 years ago but I remember it pretty vividly. I was at the house I grew up in in Chino, and I went out to the backyard and my dog was sleeping under the table, I snuck up on him like I used to do when I was a kid and put my hand on his belly, which startled him, but he was so happy to see me. I woke up with tears in my eyes.

    I put him down right before I moved to Hawaii. I had him from kindergarten through my 3rd year in college, so yeah that wasn’t an easy decision.

    • Rosanna Tomiuk
      Posted at 03:17h, 25 July Reply

      Crazy how stuff resurfaces…unknowingly.

  • Lindsay
    Posted at 15:37h, 20 July Reply

    What a poignant moving blog Rosie.Your a strong accomplished woman.You have done so much in your short life.No doubt what ever new roads you take from today forward the world will be a better place.You have all the tools,strengths and grace needed to move mountains.Whether it`s through one of your songs or a chance meeting with a poor homeless man you give to us,teach us what`s right and we love you for it. You are a Tiger and Tigers are always Champions.So glad were friends Rosie,Lin

    • Rosanna Tomiuk
      Posted at 03:17h, 25 July Reply

      Thanks, Lin. Thanks for constant support.

  • Court
    Posted at 16:33h, 20 July Reply

    So, you probably don’t/wouldn’t remember me – about 5 years ago I went on a recruiting trip at LMU and we met there. I was super shy, super reserved, and super naive. I remember sitting with you on a couch at some party I was dragged to, and even amidst my discomfort I found some sort of hope in you. Weird, I’m sure this seems, but I’ve been following you ever since. Your presence, your character, and your talent all made me realize that I too, can achieve my goals – or better yet, just set some.

    I’ve felt lost and broken but seeing you working hard and battling and thriving and conquering has given me a reason to look up, to look forward – a purpose.

    You’re life isn’t over, it’s just beginning. And I’m excited to see how God is going to use you further, which is pretty incredible to think about.

    I wish you nothing but the best – thanks for sitting and chatting with me that one night so many moons ago 🙂

    • Rosanna Tomiuk
      Posted at 03:35h, 21 July Reply

      Man, Courtney. Way to bless my little heart. Seriously, I won’t forget what you just wrote me. And I’ll be better for it. What are you up to now?!?! UPDATE!

  • David
    Posted at 03:20h, 21 July Reply

    Beautiful authenticity and honesty Rosie. Like grieving your process is in pieces not a one shot deal. You are wonderful. Praying for you.

    • Rosanna Tomiuk
      Posted at 03:16h, 25 July Reply

      Thanks, Dave. Thanks for reading…

  • Maki Kusano
    Posted at 13:14h, 26 July Reply

    Hi Rosanna, My daughter Kimiko told me about your website and blog and I just decided to take a peek. I just read your latest entry and am sitting here crying in front of my computer. We are a water polo family with 2 kids playing all year round and have been following both the womens’ and mens’ National teams for awhile. I remember Kimiko and I sitting in front of this very computer watching the updates on your game agst the US at the Pan-AM games. It was nerve racking and in the end heart breaking…All I can say is that although my daughter has only met you a few times, you have made a profound difference in her life.

    Whatever happens down the road for you, you have already made an impact in one young girl’s life and that is something you can keep with you always…Many thanks for being a great role model, and not just as an elite athlete but more importantly, as a good person.

  • Maki Kusano Martone
    Posted at 14:41h, 27 July Reply

    Hi Rosanna, My daughter directed me to your website and blog and follows you on twitter. She has met you a couple of times and has been struck by your poise, confidence and beauty. I just read this entry and am sitting in front of my computer with tears streaming down my face. And I remember sitting in this exact same place with my daughter watching the live updates on your Pan-Am final game against the US, back and forth until it was done. Truly heart wrenching and heart breaking for us so I cannot begin to imagine what it was like for you and your team mates…All this being said, I wanted to let you know that you are a truly inspiring role model for my daughter (and for any girl for that matter) and she thinks the world of you. And its not just the fact that you are an elite athlete in the sport that she loves but most importantly, its about the person that you are. Thank you for being the kind of role model that one day she can aspire to be…

    • Rosanna Tomiuk
      Posted at 15:16h, 27 July Reply

      Thank you so much, Maki. I’m crying as I read this, too. Hard day, but you guys give me hope. Lots of love…

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