08 Jan The List
I recently read a list of what a girl wanted in a husband and found myself surprised at how different mine was from hers. My list has always been about the many aspects of who the guy is, and her list seemed to only be about the ways he’d effectively express his love. At first, I was judgmental, thinking, “Is that all she’s concerned about? How he’ll love her? What about who he is outside of his love? What about delighting in his character, talents and quirks?”
But once I got over my judgment, I began to ponder, and I asked myself if my list was perhaps incomplete. This girl wasn’t some self-absorbed man-eater–she was engaged! So I was confused. Was there something she understood about the success of relationships that I didn’t?
I realized that I’ve assumed that when two people fall in love, they automatically love each other really well. But I guess it’s not that easy. Of course I’ve never planned to marry a guy with bad character, but I didn’t think to isolate one’s ability to love me well on my list of must-haves. I even find those scenes in movies where the guy pleads, “No one will ever love you like I do!” to be nauseating.
But the truth is, it seems that so many people break up because one partner is not doing a good job at loving. You can have all the talent in the world, but if you don’t say the words, give the time and gifts, hold and serve, you might just lose your lover.
I now see that both are really important–who he is and how he loves–in terms of what makes a guy ‘perfect’. After all this analysis, I will add a few points to my list about how I want and need to be loved.
This list itself? Well, that’s top secret.
I’d love to know what you think! Am I missing something?